NVC Journal: Reflections on the Need for Connection

@eco-alex has so generously offered a course giving the core essence of Non Violent Communication right here on Steem. Find out more here


To begin with we were asked to write briefly about these questions:

  • Describe a moment that you felt deeply connected to another person.
  • Where were you, and who were you with?
  • What were you doing? What was the other person doing?
  • What words, if any, did you express and/or hear the other person say?
  • What qualities did you experience that let you know you were connecting? Be as specific and detailed as you can be.

The moment I chose was with a young child who was in our Pre-K class. I knew he was going through some troubling times at home which often causes children to act out in school.

It was home time and I was helping the children get ready to go home. This young boy, instead of getting ready, went into a crying fit.

It would have been easy just to label it as misbehaving and kind of ignore the tears and just get him on his way.

Instead I knelt down to his level and said:

This makes me feel sad to see you this way. Can I give you a hug?

He nodded and I picked him up and gave him a big hug, with that he just melted into my arms. He just needed to feel loved and cared for!

One other time when he went to cry when it was time to get ready for going home, I said:

Enough tears, let's get ready.

He said:

I don't know how to stop!

I had watched a video Still Face Experiment

In this video it showed the stages a young child goes through if their needs are not being met (here it was the removal of the loving response of his mother.)

Part of what we are doing in Pre-K is working to expand the children's language and working on behaviors, exposing them to different ways of behaving and bridging so they can move beyond the baby stage of crying for what they want.

I could see how easy it is for a child to get caught/lost in a crying fit if that is all they know and if their needs were not being met for quite some time. Sometimes all you can do is just be there when they come out of it. But with this young boy we used some deep breathing and letting it go, with me being close and giving him hugs if he needed it.

Also if you know what sort of things will trigger the crying or throwing tantrums you can catch it before it escalates.

For this boy we would let him know well ahead of time that it was just about home time and he only had a little bit longer to play.
Being consistent plays a big part too, especially if their world is in upheaval.

I would like to add this way of non violent communication into my interaction with the kids and modeling it for them to be exposed to it too!

Looking forward to next week where we will be learning about observation and how to observe without judgement. Which leads into the question @eco-alex asked for the @ecotrain QOTW on judgement. Join in on that here

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Such a great post here my friend. At Papillon we run free trauma training for child workers and I sat in on one classes. The teaching subject was how to identify trauma in a child. That part that remained with me was the care part. A child can feel if a person really cares and once they feel that they become pliable. Meaning that they can trust and open up about their perceived hurts.
You are clearly a person that the children trust because of your care.
Well done to you.

“I don’t know how to stop” that’s adorable and hilarious and really interesting

We are working with this on my youngest student. I think she is 7. Her mom comes and joins class with her and sometimes she gets sooooo excited and those days are the most dangerous because she doesn’t want to leave.

I’ll keep up with what you guys are doing and see if I can learn something! Thanks for the recap!

Developing a child's ability to state their needs when they are young - and them learning to think it's normal to be heard and valued - goes a LOOOOONG way to creating an emotionally healthy and kind adult. Lovely sharing, @porters.

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I certainly wish more teachers were like you! For my kids, the teachers were often the biggest bullies in their lives. Two of them survived, one was scarred for life. It's so important for teachers, or any adult, to try to understand "misbehavior" and respond with love. Thank you for writing this.