This year right from the beginning, has been extremely challenging for me, just not because of the virus but for my hubby's health. I was never bothered about the virus, or rather I can say I never got time to think about it when it started and there were extremities in the approach. All those months I was at the hospital dealing with hubby's health.
What has been the biggest lesson for me? it is a little difficult for me to put down in words. It's a lot of expression and I may not be able to justify it in words everything. But overall there was some kind of enforcement on things I already know and follow.
Whether it was about Living life in the present, or Compassion, or Empathy, Standing up with a smiling face in times of adversity, adapting to different situations, or that nothing is permanent, or even to an extent that losing a loved one, or living with basics, all of it was put on test and in the most extreme conditions.
But the one big lesson I learned from this whole period was that Life does not always happen the way we want. This year we will be celebrating our 25th Anniversary in November and I had some big plans, which I have been thinking and planning for since the last 3 years, and then this shock comes, not only with his health but the global virus situation also, which does not allow me to fulfill any of my plans. But yes I am not the one who gives up so easily, so all the plans of this year have been now shifted to next year.
While at the hospital I was attending to my own needs and challenges, I would see people around in distress. I could see how different people are, in dealing with these challenges of life. Some would be graciously accepting it, while some treated it like a burden. I would then think of the karma that they would create for themselves. I would get a perfect example of creating different karma by doing the same activity. Some would attend to their loved ones whole heartedly and with compassion, while some would do it just thinking it as a duty and burden, and I would also see how these second set of people would turn out to be chaotic overall in their approach while talking to the Doctors, Nurses and other hospital staff.
For 3 weeks, when he was in the ICU, I spent all the time on a sofa chair outside the ICU. I would not go home for anything. I had based myself there itself with some clothes, utilities and my laptop. The hospital had good arrangements for bath and a cafeteria for food, so there was no problem with that part also. Today if I think of it, I realize that we accumulate so much of unnecessary things in life. We need just so very few things to live, but we make life complicated by our greed and desires for wanting more and more. I am also trying to cut down and live life with as less as possible.
Then there were some extreme times when the Doctors would also give up hope on him and they would ask me to be strong. I would just keep thinking what if he goes away, what will be my life without him I had never ever thought in those lines, and I felt that mentally I am strong to stand any loss. But when these moments would come, I would have a cold feet, not understanding what the next moment will bring in for me. So much uncertainty. While we keep planning to do things in life and then destiny takes us on a very different ride leaving us completely clueless as to what next.
Another thing was that when his condition started getting stable, I would wish a speedy recovery for him, every day I would curiously wait for the Doctor to keep telling me that he was doing well by the day and then they would tell me Nainaz, you need to have patience, this is not about days and not even weeks, but rather months. And to keep going on Patience was the only key. My patience was tried and tested to it's most extremes, but it has paid off well. And the one thing that was always on my side was my positivity which I had no doubts on that he would be fine and I would keep passing it on to him. This was also reinforced to me that our mind can make miracles happen if we truly believe in it.
Also during this period I was regularly connected with my Psychic reader and she would keep telling me, this is one of the toughest test for both of you and she gave me reasons also, why we were going through this. But the lesson was that when we do not listen to our body, it throws back on us in full force until we learn our lessons. I will not deny that while I am extremely mindful about my health, my hubby is opposite. He has been going through ups and downs in his health since the last 3 years, but as soon as he would be little better, he would go back to his old ways. So this was one big lesson for him to get out of that lifestyle and take care of his health. Thankfully he has learnt it well this time.
The important lesson for me was or rather I can say reinforced is that ;
Tomorrow is the biggest mystery, Follow your dreams, Be yourself, You do not need to please anyone to make them happy. Everything is happening for a reason, Be true to yourself, Be compassionate, empathetic., kind, understanding and Loving.
All the Karma is here itself. There is no Heaven and Hell above. The Heaven or Hell is all here, coming to us in the form of Karma.
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