Let Go Of This Desire To Teach!

in Home Edderslast month

I like to listen to people talk about children and their views on how involved we need to be in their upbringing. Some believe that children are born empty vessels and that it is our jobs to fill them up. That it is our duty, as adults, to teach them how to act within society. Because they believe they are incapable of thinking for themselves or knowing the difference between right and wrong.

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The first few years of a child's life is all about exploring and discovering. They watch everything we do and soak it all up. They have a natural desire to learn, but they do so by observing not by being instructed. This is a quality that we really need to encourage as it maintains their desire to learn and helps them build confidence. But it does not take long, until the majority of children are placed into environments where the emphasis is all about teaching them/ educating them.

That was how it happened for me and for most of the population. We are constantly bombarded with information about how we should raise our children and what is expected from us as parents. More and more they are trying to prevent self directed learning, because our world is built upon the backs of those who conformed.

Even at the beginning of my motherhood journey, I imagined that I would be teaching my girls so much about the world. That I would be one of the main people to educate them. But that all changed when I saw how they instinctively interacted with the world.

We seem to forget, that they teach themselves to move about and to speak. They really don't need any assistance from us and if we try and interfere it can actually set them back. Because we introduce the idea of doubt into their minds. Each child is born with no concept of doubt or the idea that they may not be able to achieve something.

They presume that they can do whatever they put their mind to, because why wouldn't they. Why would they ever doubt their capabilities? They simply have no reason to, ,unless we plant that seed for them and when and if we do, it then begins to grow and can become quite inhibiting.

I really believe that our duty lies in providing our children with a stimulating environment and giving them to space to discover things for themselves.

Any misgivings that we may have, we really need to keep to ourselves. Because they listen to everything we say and they are well able to pick up on our energy state. I have witnessed many times, parents being very nervous and anxious when their children start to walk and to also climb. Their reaction to each step, really has a huge impact on their children and when you see children fall, it is mostly due to their parents state of mind at the time.

It takes a lot of courage to give your child the space to explore, it does not mean that you are not present for them, but that you put your trust in their abilities. This really encourages them as they navigate they way in the world and it will continue to stand with them as they get older.

I continue to learn so much about learning and our place as parents in our children's education. I have learnt that I can offer them so much more by observing them and following their lead. Taking a step back and giving them the responsibility to learn things for themselves. I am always there if they need me, and when they do want me to teach them something I will. But my girls are fiercely independent and they like to try things out for themselves. They choose to learn what they deem necessary and that is based on the environment that they grow up in and what they see me doing.

I keep saying it, but my girls have taught me more, than what I have taught them. They know how to organize themselves and they are not afraid of responsibility! They are the ones in control of their learning and they are thriving because of it.

Control is something that we have lost down through the years. We are taught from a young age to hand over responsibility for our education and health. We follow the paths that have been laid out before us, because we are told that this is what we need to do. But there is a choice, we have a choice to make especially when it comes to our children. So when we take back responsibility for our lives, our children get to make this choice also.

Because they learn from observation, from witnessing how we interact with the world. So let go of this desire to teach and instead create a world that will give our children the opportunity to grow up to be confident and empowered.

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Very well spoken here! I’m not as good with sitting back and not trying to help guide our son. I do in some ways because I know he wants to learn how to do things on his own and he does them very well in many scenarios but I find myself encountering some scenarios I don’t enjoy and my reaction is to just tell him to be careful please. He’s thankfully got a lot of confidence but I know sometimes I can get a little too protective. It’s a tough thing to give up!

I can find my best example of him needing to learn on his own when he wants in him doing letters and numbers. He knows what they are but when we try to write them it’s a bit of a struggle and he’s confused as to why he can’t do something he wants to do. I see the turmoil in his face and it ends up being hitting and anger. Thankfully we’ve been walking him through ways to try and express his anger in words of what he is mad about and it’s definitely helped reduce the physical lashing out. When he does get them right I make it a definite point to let him know that he did a great job and the smile on the little mans face would make anyone’s heart melt lol

It is hard to not be protective, and to want to teach them, I am still learning myself and finding my way.
Ahh the frustration they feel when they can't carry out a task that they think they can do, it is all part of learning. It is important to allow them to express themselves, it takes a few years for them to really be able to understand their emotions xx

I can agree wholeheartedly with this. My mother, when I do something that she doesn't agree with (I'm 31), always likes to say that we never brought you up that way, whenever I find something that's different than what I've been taught. religion is a great example of this. I decided to go out on my own and learn through books, not simply regurgitate what I was taught as a child ... because I'm old enough to think for myself.

thank you @cambridgeport90, we do have to make our own way in the end that's for sure xx

Some things kind of have to be taught. But general we definitely do need to just sit back and chill and only do the directional stuff when it’s needed which is definitely not all the time 😆

for sure and they will ask when that needs to happen, ,that has been my experience with my girls anyhow. But letting them discover that for themselves is important xxx

Very true words. I sometimes feel I've failed as a father to provide such circumstances over the last two years, and I hope it doesn't have a negative impact on my daughter's futures. We are fighting hard to put ourselves in a positive environment where we have more freetime to spend with them and give them the attention they need to thrive.

It is easier when you are living in a more stable environment, you are doing the best you can do and that is always enough. Your girls will be so resilient because of all of this, they learn so much from their life experiences and observing how you manage them. They will see how much you are fighting and that is what they will carry with them, that is what they will remember xxx

 26 days ago 

I so love how you are bringing up your children and would so love to meet them! I wish more people could see how capable children are and let them learn through observing and exploring. I would like to add one more point to this - that as well as being present for the children you also scaffold them to new levels, opening new doors.

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